Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
