I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
