Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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