put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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