Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
