you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
