We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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