I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
