just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
