her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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