the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
