nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
