i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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