oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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