I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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