barbara walters just said penis...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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