my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
