By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
