She said her name was "party"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
