He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
