Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
