I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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