May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
