"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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