I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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