when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
