She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
