you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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