I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
