i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
