I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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