If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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