He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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