Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
