Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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