her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Randomize
