So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
