i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
