I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Boobs speak an international language.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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