You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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