Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
