I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
