Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Enjoy the penises
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
