Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
