that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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