the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
