So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All the doctor said was why
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
