The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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