You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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