I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
