The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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