Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
