She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So much rum. So many feels.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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